Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Go Huck Yourselves! - Olympic snowboarding commentary draws 22,000 complaints about 300 complaints

Following the 300 complaints that were received by the BBC about the commentary during the Women's slopestyle event on Sunday, the BBC has now received over 22,000 messages officially complaining about the complainers...

The 22,000 responses are understood to have came from within the UK snowboarding community, but also a large number of non-snowboarders who just aren't miserable thundercunts*.

* a slang term term for one of those weird spinney-twisty tricks those crazy snowboarders do.

Ed Leigh at the exact moment he discovered that the strange pulse in his lower intestine he'd been warning everyone about was actually last night's Russian curry coming back to haunt him.

An undisclosed BBC snowboarding commentator, in-between tearful sobs, said; "I'm glad that some sense is prevailing. It was a bit harsh them complaining about our commentary, after all when I go round their place of business I don't bitch about the quality of their work, I just take my burgers and leave."

Ed Leigh - Huge Steps fan

On Monday the same hyperbolic stories about the 300 complaints were copied largely ad nauseam by mainstream media outlets including The Guardian, The Independent and of course The Daily Mail. The stories all included a cherry-picked a selection comments form some other miserable gits, but it quickly became apparent that that most of the nation didn't share those views when even the majority of The Daily Mail audience were found not to agree with the complainers.

In an opposing view, football commentators Alan Shearer and Michael Owen, as they prepare to ruin the 2014 Brasil World Cup this summer, sided with the views of the 300. "After all if people started expecting any sort of passion or insight into their sports viewing from the BBC we'd be out of a job!" droned one of them.

It was also discovered on Monday that the 300 miserable gits had a long history of placing unfounded complaints against other subjects such as charities, the feeling of hope and 'those annoying people who have the temerity to smile on their wedding day'.

Initially due to the unusual circumstances of this complaint about a complaint the BBC Complaints Commission had considered if the situation should be settled by a fight, but this idea was later discarded when the initial complainers declared that they didn't think they were hard enough and didn't want to have a go.

Jenny Jones - All tooled up and ready to get stuck in.

Aimee Fuller is also understood to have been spoiling for a fight and proclaimed that she'd "be coming down like a wrecking ball".

In and unprecedented move though the situation has now been resolved in the most apt form possible; on February the 13th, the 300 complainers are to be made to wear chip hats and spend a day on Brighton beach.

All quotes are entirely fictitious and all photos pilfered directly from the original BBC story

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