Thursday, June 26, 2014

Craptastic Product of the Week: Goggle Graffiti

The big news of the 2014/15 season isn't the fact that Vans have messed up and won't be able to deliver their snowboard boots, or that Yobeat have redesigned their site to look a little more like this one; no the big news is that this year sees the much-anticipated launch of Goggle GraffitiTM... 

If you've ever felt that your goggles needing a bit if jazzing-up, and the best way of doing that is to add a series of inane messages to the back of your head, then this is the answer for you.

And you can join this awesome gang of wonky-helmeted rapscallions.

These strangely over-engineered badges will cost you $8.95 each. Get a set of them and they will cost you more than the shitty goggles you are trying to hide. So if you're mad keen to be mercilessly slated by everyone else on the mountain here's just a few of the awesome bands you can buy right now...

If you're wearing one of these, the answer is no.

The trend for putting and 'i' in front of words is as dead as Steve Jobs.

This one is odd. Maybe it's to let people know how much you like prostitutes?

If you think you need a sign to tell people that you are hot, then you are not hot.

When shitty products and shitty memes collide

Chillax? Oh fuck you guys.

It's like this is a product from the last century that someone found in a storage sale and decide to try and cash-in. Their whole business concept seems to be based on the minimal charms of 90's cartoon and 7UP marketing whore Fido Dido.

Here's how they explain the concept on their website:

Snowboarding or skiing, Goggle GraffitiTM tags your identity and interests for everyone to see. Skiers and snowboarders spend hours standing in lift lines staring at the back of the person in front of them. Why not take advantage of that time to identify yourself or advertise your business? Goggle straps are like a billboard on the slopes!

Whether you’re shreddin’ the gnar or just having a knarley time at your favorite resort this winter, you can chillax and know your goggles are tagged and secure with Goggle GraffitiTM.

Get “Tagged” with Goggle GraffitiTM

*Patent Pending

Oh , and they're based in Texas.

One thing is for certain: this is easily the lowest point in graffiti history.  

Yeah. C U Next Tuesday

Actually that's a lie, I'm off for a week to Vancouver so don't expect anything next week. Until then, here's a picture from my trip to Stockholm this week:

I didn't risk it

More crappy products you can buy...